UPDATE:
I decided to throw caution to the wind and take her to the car wash because (sitting since June 2022) there was quite the layer of dust.
So, she drove fine at residential speeds however, once I got on the freeway and went to accelerate to freeway speeds, she started pinging like a can of ball bearings something fierce! Then, as I needed to push her a bit harder up an off ramp, while I was also being light on the pedal to keep the pinging to a minimum, she stalled out and refused to start back up. Luckily, due to my paranoia, I had my wife following behind me.
I tried several times to start her up to no avail. She wanted to but died almost immediately or bubbled at an almost indiscernible level.
Jumped in the chase truck and ran home. Grabbed some Starter Fluid and a screwdriver so I could go back and spray right into the intake at the MAF Sensor.
Got back to Bonnie and my wife crank as I sprayed. She started up immediately and as long as the throttle was pumped, she ran. Had the wife jump out (shoulder of a bridge off-ramp) and I jumped in to keep gassing her to keep her alive. Threw her into D and coaxed her home.
So.... I'm thinking bad gas with a very diminished octane rating. Would y'all agree?
Side note: When she stalled, I didn't get her all the way off the exit lane and threw her into N to let her roll back so I could get her better out of the way however, she refused to roll as if a brake was on or she was still in gear even though she was in neutral. So, this correlates to my feeling like a caliper is dragging as she was obviously shifting accurately because I was able to get her home.
Would y'all also concur with this second theory?