Rode in one of my colleagues 2020 F150 w the 3.5 EB today.
Daaamn. We were doing 85 and could hardly tell. I think he was at 1800 rpms. Has the 10-spd tranny.
That damn truck is saweet. It’s a battleship grey, 3” lift, XLT w heated seats, big screen nav, beautiful black something or other type of material not leather. Impressive.
You might ask, why if I drive almost 1000miles a week was I in his truck? Because my ole gal died in the parking lot on this 85 friggin degree day. Turn the key at my hotel and all I hear is a “click”. FUUUUUU!
So being the shade tree mechanic-slash-boyscout, I smile like in one of those commercials w the old guy not sweating an overheated radiator. So I jump out w that confident stupid ass smirk on my face that’s says “...chillax people, I got this”
So I pull out my handy micro-charger box out of my center console knowing people are watching never having seen such small “jumper cables”.
So I connect it, all 5 blue lights on, of course, you were thinking I didn’t have that thingy fully charged weren’t ya!? Well nooohohohoho not me. I was a boy scout so I got five friggin blue lights...ok?!, got it!?
So I gingerly waltz back around and slide my fat ass over the seat on my 1-inch lifted antique Expedition ( at least it’s shiny) and I twist the key knowing...KNOWING this ole gal isn’t going to just piss me off.
“click”. FUUUUUUUCCC
After sweating my gonads off for half an hour, readjusting that fuc&@ing thingy, the Ford gods took pity on my ass and she started over.
Well. Guess we’re my morning appointment was at anyways? I had a meeting scheduled at a Ford dealer 5 mikes away. Again, there is a Ford god.
So I pull in the service bay, yes, among all the damn freaking new F150’s and Expys. The service writer looked at me, then my Expy, then at me.... I swear this guy was counting his commission.
So I tell him I think I need a new battery and that I know Rob the service manager and that I’m going to be one of their vendors so I expect a good price. For which he coyly replies, “.... well since you know Rob this is gonna cost ya more...” ******! My balls are liquified my shirt is stuck to my back and I’m in no mood to spend $250 for a ****$&@ battery right now.
So I go to my meeting. My cell phone lights up, I tell the management team that I’m actually a customer of theirs today. That my truck is getting serviced. You ever see that cartoon w that cat that eats the little bird w a feather hanging off his mouth telling his owner he swears he’s not seen that bird all day? Well that’s how all these Ford dealer managers are looking at me.
So I talk to Collin and he says “battery weak but it still won’t start. “. Right then and there my wallet crawled up my ass.
After a few embellished AUFKM expressions, you know, in the hopes this guy pity’s my ass... nope.
Says “starter”. I say “ how much?” He says w a smirk “well since you’re a good friend of Robs it $584”. My wallet has now traveled from my large intestine through my stomach and in a lung.
So I say to just get-r-started and I’ll drive it home and do an Advanced Auto special over the weekend. Yeah, those two short ******* days I use to relax from riding in that ******* truck of mine.
To which he kindly says “... ok but every time joe here tries to start it sparks come flying out of it...”. I felt like ***** slapping him and kicking Joe in the balls.
So 1 battery and one starter later, after driving around in my colleagues 2020 luxurious limousine of a Ford F-150 compared to my ole *****, I went back to the dealer several hours later and forked over $700. Oh, and that’s w my “I know Rob the service manager”******* discount!
Right now I could give two ***** if a newer Expy has a 6-cylinder EB, 42 turbos, catch cans, VVT, I could give a shit.
So I drove home and whispered to this little old ***** “... you’re ******* gone. I’m not even going to give you the dignity of selling you. You’re gonna be a trade in! You know what they do to trade ins don’t ya? Just don’t bend over in the showers”
So that was my day. How was yours?
Daaamn. We were doing 85 and could hardly tell. I think he was at 1800 rpms. Has the 10-spd tranny.
That damn truck is saweet. It’s a battleship grey, 3” lift, XLT w heated seats, big screen nav, beautiful black something or other type of material not leather. Impressive.
You might ask, why if I drive almost 1000miles a week was I in his truck? Because my ole gal died in the parking lot on this 85 friggin degree day. Turn the key at my hotel and all I hear is a “click”. FUUUUUU!
So being the shade tree mechanic-slash-boyscout, I smile like in one of those commercials w the old guy not sweating an overheated radiator. So I jump out w that confident stupid ass smirk on my face that’s says “...chillax people, I got this”
So I pull out my handy micro-charger box out of my center console knowing people are watching never having seen such small “jumper cables”.
So I connect it, all 5 blue lights on, of course, you were thinking I didn’t have that thingy fully charged weren’t ya!? Well nooohohohoho not me. I was a boy scout so I got five friggin blue lights...ok?!, got it!?
So I gingerly waltz back around and slide my fat ass over the seat on my 1-inch lifted antique Expedition ( at least it’s shiny) and I twist the key knowing...KNOWING this ole gal isn’t going to just piss me off.
“click”. FUUUUUUUCCC
After sweating my gonads off for half an hour, readjusting that fuc&@ing thingy, the Ford gods took pity on my ass and she started over.
Well. Guess we’re my morning appointment was at anyways? I had a meeting scheduled at a Ford dealer 5 mikes away. Again, there is a Ford god.
So I pull in the service bay, yes, among all the damn freaking new F150’s and Expys. The service writer looked at me, then my Expy, then at me.... I swear this guy was counting his commission.
So I tell him I think I need a new battery and that I know Rob the service manager and that I’m going to be one of their vendors so I expect a good price. For which he coyly replies, “.... well since you know Rob this is gonna cost ya more...” ******! My balls are liquified my shirt is stuck to my back and I’m in no mood to spend $250 for a ****$&@ battery right now.
So I go to my meeting. My cell phone lights up, I tell the management team that I’m actually a customer of theirs today. That my truck is getting serviced. You ever see that cartoon w that cat that eats the little bird w a feather hanging off his mouth telling his owner he swears he’s not seen that bird all day? Well that’s how all these Ford dealer managers are looking at me.
So I talk to Collin and he says “battery weak but it still won’t start. “. Right then and there my wallet crawled up my ass.
After a few embellished AUFKM expressions, you know, in the hopes this guy pity’s my ass... nope.
Says “starter”. I say “ how much?” He says w a smirk “well since you’re a good friend of Robs it $584”. My wallet has now traveled from my large intestine through my stomach and in a lung.
So I say to just get-r-started and I’ll drive it home and do an Advanced Auto special over the weekend. Yeah, those two short ******* days I use to relax from riding in that ******* truck of mine.
To which he kindly says “... ok but every time joe here tries to start it sparks come flying out of it...”. I felt like ***** slapping him and kicking Joe in the balls.
So 1 battery and one starter later, after driving around in my colleagues 2020 luxurious limousine of a Ford F-150 compared to my ole *****, I went back to the dealer several hours later and forked over $700. Oh, and that’s w my “I know Rob the service manager”******* discount!
Right now I could give two ***** if a newer Expy has a 6-cylinder EB, 42 turbos, catch cans, VVT, I could give a shit.
So I drove home and whispered to this little old ***** “... you’re ******* gone. I’m not even going to give you the dignity of selling you. You’re gonna be a trade in! You know what they do to trade ins don’t ya? Just don’t bend over in the showers”
So that was my day. How was yours?
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