He absolutely lost the engine, valvetrain failure with valve into piston. My view of sufficient power may be different from yours as for most of the last 25 years, I've towed with my SUVs.
My 1999 5.4 / 2 valve was a dog, painfully slow with horrible fuel mileage when towing. Especially in hilly conditions, such as East coast to Midwest. I replaced the 99 with a 2002 7.3 Diesel Excursion and it was the best tow vehicle I have ever owned. Effortless towing under any conditions and decent fuel mileage even when fully loaded and pulling a trailer.
Fast forward to 2011, I purchased a 5.4 / 3 valve Expedition and while it was a substantial improvement over the 5.4 / 2 valve because of increased HP, TQE and chassis, the Excursion was still my choice for long distance towing (I had both of them for 5 years). I now have a 2017 Expedition as well as the 2011. The 2017 is now my choice as a tow vehicle over the 2011. Outside of towing, I enjoy driving both vehicles equally as much in all driving environments. The 2017 does however, get much better mileage under all driving conditions.
I understand and agree with your experiences among those three vehicles. You certainly can't consider a 5.4 to valve to be anywhere near comparable to a 7.3 L diesel! I don't care what the manufacturer says with their crazy towing capacities etc. There is no comparison.
I will also say that the 6.8 L Excursion is also quite impressive. The diesel only has a little more torque but it also makes a heavier vehicle.
I have had several of these and I will say that the 6.8 is also effortless. That is a good way to describe it with towing. It doesn't really care or feel any different if you're empty or if it's towing thousands of pounds. You barely have to touch the gas and it just pulls the load uphill everything else.
The 5.42 valve is anywhere near close to that I agree but you should try a Chevy trailblazer with a 4.2 inline 6 if you want to feel a turd.
The capacities are right up there and everybody says they do just fine but that's only if you want to have the gas pedal pushed halfway to the floor or more! I don't like that kind of operation of a vehicle. I want it to be effortless like you said.
Also, as you stated your experiences and needs are different than most people.
We all know that trucks and even large SUVs were designed on truck chassis and to be heavier duty and tow etc but we also know that's not what it's panned out to be.
The vast majority of owners never even have anything hooked to their hitch and most could be owned without a hitch and the owners would never know it.
Many owners may have used the hitch one time or twice if you count the return for moving something once.
The vast majority of these vehicles are daily drivers, family transportation vehicles, grocery Gators and driving your kids and their friends around to activities etc so towing and power / torque is fairly unimportant.
I would venture to say that the overwhelming majority of SUV owners have never even had the gas pedal all the way to the floor and most haven't even had it over halfway down.
I'm fine with this as I feel it's the way it's supposed to be. These people drive me nuts that go out and buy a high performance SUV or whatever because they want to race people on the streets and win. It's an SUV, bah...
Oh, on your friend's engine loss. Sounds like he was really unlucky. I was just pointing out that that's not normally the end result of those or the reason they get an engine replacement. The two most common problems on those are spark plugs breaking off and the timing chain / gears / cam phasers and normally there's no breakage of chains or anything and no piston the valve contact.
Even when change and stuff break it usually doesn't do anything more than been the valves so then the heads have to come off but in that case most shops would recommend a replacement engine but like I said that normally doesn't happen. Normally there's just fault codes, running issues and ticking clacking noises like a diesel.
I feel that a lot of shops would rather make the money on a complete engine install than to just do a timing chain set because I know how shops are and that's why I can't stand them.
I figured he had some common more minor problem and was simply up sold or conned by the shop which happens more often than not.