I've read the posts for the OP for quite a while and he does not strike me as someone who would fly off the handle so table maybe the discussion on mental stability.
"Anger ONLY happens in Humans when they are afraid of or for something" This was taught to me many, many years ago...and I believe it to be true. Feel someone stole something and we feel anger because we feel hurt that someone wronged us, all based in fear.
Me thinks that "Dealers" do not steal....EVER.
WE chose to give them things, usually money but possibly a pad of some sort in this instance but they do not steal.
Get that paradigm and you're one step closer to understanding life.
Life happens....and we chose to play in it....can a dealer screw you? No, you are giving it to him, leave your weed, camera or pad in the truck when in for service, you are giving them those things. We all know the rules, play by them & spend wealth when you haven't.
The "dealer" cannot anger you, (and although I'm not a gambling guy at all, I'd bet $100 bucks that every one of us has felt that they did). The truth though is WE dictate our reactions in life to the bumps that come along. We have all heard this stuff for years.....yet people forget....I forget too, (I'm pretty sure Heaven is going to be a Charitable decision by God if I'm lucky<LOL>) no different......but if you can keep in the right mindset, this stuff won't bother you...especially when a few $$ can resolve it.
Hell guys, I just lost my fob 600 miles from home and didn't get twisted because I decided not to......we made it an adventure but it wasn't going to be solved by anger.
My friend, I hope you find resolution....you prob like the dealer and now you have mixed emotions....no one wants to go back to where they think someone may have taken something.....and look like a lamb for slaughter....all fear based.
You seem like a good guy...you'll get past this......
Jeff